Once Upon a Time...

Pinterest, evil bitch website that it is, led me to this hat. I was immediately and inexplicably taken with it and, in so being, decided that I wanted to wear something like it (in a crazy, ideal world, IT) for my bachelorette party. Anglophile that I am, I've long wanted to have a proper Hen Party on that far off day when I found myself getting married... this hat made me think, "OH! We could all wear fascinators and be adorable!"

And today I got a text message from Erika with a picture attached... of my hat! This hat! I could cry! It's just entirely too special.



So, you are all on notice: Fascinators are requested for the Hen Party! I will not be the only one with a head foofooly adorned! Of course, because of Princess Kate, even Michael's carries fascinator-making materials, so you have plenty of time to locate one on Etsy or concoct some lovely, brilliant, affordable version for yourself. And then we will all be *FASCINATING.

Not that we all aren't anyway.

When it comes to the Hen Party, Sarah Ressler is taking the lead in its organization because she is the only one of you who is local, knows how to get in touch with all of my friends who are still local, and knows her way around Delaware, Ohio (because Jenny and I really wouldn't recognize the place anymore). I have NO DOUBT that she would happily accept/like/appreciate/crave/greatly desire input from the rest of you, so if any of you have ideas, requests, concerns, or questions, she's your girl!

Thank you all for letting me know which dresses you have ordered! You will all look spectacularly beautiful (would do, even if I had made you wear Mango... and it's a shame I didn't, because then you could all slap your asses periodically and declare, "SUCH is Mango!" ...something I've already trained my stepsons to do...) And I love Katie's dress... I was wondering if any of you would end up with it!

And apparently I need to start looking for coordinating, pocket-sized flasks...

For those of you who were interested in the house, you can check it out HERE!!!!!

We got it for about $15K less than the asking price and Trevor and his dad Gary are headed over there tomorrow to do the official inspection (and for those of you who didn't know, Trevor and Gary are both licensed building inspectors). We're going to have to rip the deck off the back because it was improperly installed and is causing stress to one of the basement walls. We think we're just going to put in a proper patio and--inspired by that wonderfully inspirational Jenny DeJongh and her Raphael--possibly a ramada! The basement is unfinished, but what with their combined 50 or so years in construction, Trevor and Gary will be able to do that for us themselves, saving us a ton of money. Apparently, I'm also destined to learn how to hang drywall. Huh. Yeah, right. There are no neighbors across the street; instead, a creek, where Trevor and his boys will fish together and recreate the opening credits to the Andy Griffith Show. I may start calling him Pa. It is a gorgeous neighborhood and the house is located at the end of a long street which dead-ends at the Madison County Gun Club... our neighbor to the left. They have an enormous piece of property (acres upon acres), which does include a shooting range, but rather far from (and certainly not pointing in the direction of) the residential area. And it is not a facility that is used too terribly frequently, thus the boys can play a bit in the street without any worry and, as Trevor knows most of the people who belong to the Gun Club (naturally), he had absolutely no hesitations or concerns whatsoever. It's apparently a very, very exclusive group with high membership dues.

I do have one piece of business that I put before you at this time.

I need a count from you guys for two things:

1. Who is interested in going for manicures and/or pedicures on the Friday before the wedding?

and 2. Who is planning on getting their hair done with me on the day of the wedding?

I need to make appointments, especially for the hair thing because we're doing it in West Jeff and they may have to just book the shop for my party, exclusively, that morning. And I need to do this now because, you know how it is with small towns... the little old ladies make their appointments months and months and months in advance.

You are NOT REQUIRED to do either of these things. Also, if you would like to tag along for the hair adventure, but have no desire to have yours done, that's okay too; just let me know.

My intention at this time is to have a slumber party with you all at my house the night before the wedding, so that the FunBus (Word, yes, we got one... and THAT'S what it's called!) can just pick us all up, take us where we need to go, etc. Also, so you guys can save some hotel money. And if anyone is coming into town earlier than that and needs a place to stay, I will have you covered!

Okay, so... let me know, y'all! Mani/pedis? Hair? I'm pretty sure champagne can be involved with both...

Much love!


*spoken in a breathy voice

Time to Order Your Dresses!!!!

Not that these are dresses, but they may be a decent preview of your bouquets:



Way to start a blog and let it stagnate, Laura. Yeesh...

Truth be told, there wasn't a hell of a lot happening between October and about, oh three weeks ago. Being in VA and bogged down by a little something I like to call "my job" made it somewhat difficult to get things accomplished. Then a month in Ohio with limited internet capability made it impossible for me to update the blog. I was able to get some shit done over that period, though, and now I can tell you about some of it.

First, let me say that I bought my dress! I would post a picture of it here, but I have some suspicions that there may be some among "those I would wish not to see it" who may be peeking in at the ol' blog on occasion. Amy saw it, and Erika knows what it looks like because I talked to her once over break and she had her computer in front of her and looked it up. If you're desperate to know what it looks like, let me know and I'll send you a link via email or F/b or something. Otherwise, you may choose to be surprised yourselves, which could be sweet...

Trevor and I also managed to order the cake, book the DJ, book the Fun Bus (for all of us, yo!), arrange for a ceremony musician, and I have a lead on a florist. I got the rest of the Save the Dates out (as you no doubt know, now) and we've decided to do our own invitations. AND we figured out the rehearsal dinner... it's a barbecue place called Barley's, but I'm sure vegetarian options can be made available. I feel like we got other stuff done, too, but my brain is fried.

Now for the business of the day.

Shock, surprise: I bought my dress from David's Bridal! I went in there with Mom and Cindy intending to just get a feel for dress styles and my likes and dislikes; I had been in there before and not really seen anything I liked, so I anticipated that I'd get a feel for things and then we'd head to Cincinnati's Wedding District. HOWEVER, when we went in at the end of December, their new Spring designer collections had come in and, as we walked in the door, Cindy fell in love with a new dress on display. It was the first wedding gown I tried on, ever, and it ended up being the one I bought! It was the most insane 30 minutes of my life. INSANE.

I share this because of what it means for all of you: by purchasing my gown from David's, you all get $20 off of the dresses there... and because I want to make all of this as financially easy on you as one can when forcing another individual to buy a dress, that is what we're going to do. Over Thanksgiving, I went to David's with Katie and Ressler, and over break I went with Amy. The three of them can attest to the acceptableness of the color I have chosen... they can also attest to the fact that it looks TOTALLY different in person than it looks on the internet (where it looks reasonably hideous). They all agree that it's a color that will look very nice on everyone, too, so I feel like I accomplished part of my mission... though it's not the exact color I had envisioned... David's doesn't have that color.

IMPORTANT PART #1

You will each be able to choose whatever dress style you are most comfortable wearing and/or paying for. Here are my three restrictions:

1. The required color is called Oasis.

2. The dress you choose must be tea-length or shorter (so, NO full-length gowns).

3. You may NOT choose a satin dress. My fabric preferences for you all are chiffon and cotton sateen.


I think the best thing for you to do is actually head in to your local David's Bridal; you'll get a much better sense of your options there than on their website. I have been all over their website and, quite frankly, it does NOT show all of your options. When you get to David's you'll see that, with bridesmaids' dresses, there are dresses that are for the "21 Colors" and those that are for the "44 Colors." Wearing Oasis means you need to be looking for dresses among the 44 Colors.

My dress is NOT satin and is NOT shiny in any way... it's mostly tulle, actually. Because I won't be shiny, for the purposes of pictures, I think it would be weird if any of you were. I hope that makes sense to you all, too. I also thought that maybe you would be more likely to wear a non-satin dress again, and likewise think that chiffon and cotton sateen fabric would be cooler in the July weather and more forgiving on any given body type. I would caution you on one thing in reference to the cotton sateen, however, which is that Amy and I thought it appeared to be a potential lint magnet... but I'm totally leaving it up to each of you to decide what dress you want to purchase.

I would also encourage you to try on multiple dresses in both fabrics, if possible. When Amy was trying on dresses, I know that I was surprised that some things I thought were adorable on the hanger looked a little silly on (and that has nothing to do with Amy), and some things I thought looked a little weird on the hanger looked fabulous on, so... don't just snatch the first one and go with it; you might be happier in something else if you give it a look around.

Here are some of your options:



The first two up there are supposedly in Oasis. Supposedly. The first dress may (?) end up being Erika's because she likes the image and she's going to try it on this weekend... she has to take a FERRY to VERMONT to get to a David's Bridal, so props to Erika!! The second dress is likely the one Amy will be getting and it looked wicked adorable on her. Wicked. Adorable. There truly are other options; sadly, they're not all represented on the David's website. And be aware that all of their strapless dresses do come with spaghetti straps; alternately, if you purchase additional material, you could have straps made. And I wouldn't kill anyone who decided she really wanted to order a little shrug/jacket thing to wear over the dress, just FYI. Just remember with all decisions that these dresses are going to be worn in an Ohio July.

IMPORTANT PART #2

You may want to head in to David's some time in the next two or three weeks to order your dresses.

Oasis is a "cut-to-order" color, so the dresses may take 12 weeks to come in (they're likely not just sitting around in a warehouse somewhere). I know that you have a hell of a lot more than 12 weeks before you need to get these things in, but the consultants suggested ordering them as soon as possible so that, IF there is a sizing problem with the first dress you order, there will still be time to order the right one and get it in before the wedding.

In saying this, the consultant explained that all too often ladies come in and order a size that is a little snug or a size smaller because they intend to lose those 10 pounds or whatever... and then they ultimately don't, with the result that their dress doesn't fit. David's Bridal dresses have absolutely no seam allowance, so their dresses cannot be let out; they can only be taken in. So, if you know that you're going to go in to David's and be brutally honest and realistic with yourself about the size dress you require, then you won't need to rush in now to order it. You can wait until the first week of March, at the latest. But if you have any doubts about how these suckers may fit, I'd advise you to go in now and talk with someone and, at their suggestion, order at the appropriate time.

Any questions? Call, text, email, Facebook... whatever.

Oh. Also, for shoes I would like you to have silver, open-toe sandals. I don't care how tall or short the heel is, or how shiny or dull the silver is. Just find shoes you like that are reasonably comfortable... don't put yourself through misery on my account; no one's going to be looking at your shoes, anyway.

Here's what Madeline, my neice-ly Junior Bridesmaid, will be wearing, also in Oasis:



She was very adorable in it, but preferred a different, sluttier little girl dress that made Kathy, Mom, and I drop our jaws in horror. She's going to be so interesting in her teenage years.

And a shout-out to Samantha, because she and I need to talk about Flower Girl Madeleine's dress! Now that I know what mine and the other Madeline's look like, we have something to work with!

Okay, I will save other things for another day. There should be weekly posts from here on out, ladies, as the shit is getting more and more real every day.

Oh... and I apologize for any Bridezillaishness I may have exhibited in this or prior communications or may exhibit in any future communications. Call me out on that shit! Tell me to chill out and have a glass of wine! Really, we should all take that advice regularly. Huh. I'm going to go take it right now, in fact.

Love you all!

Moving Forward

I bought this for Trevor. A little corny, I know, but I loved it in a disgustingly saccharine sort of way.

So, more than anything, this is just to update you all on where I/we am/are on a few things.

1. I have a Flower Girl!!! Samantha's daughter, Madeleine, will be tossing petals for me and looking thoroughly adorable. I am so excited, you just have no idea... so excited to know that my dear old friend and her family will be making the long trek from San Francisco for my wedding and thrilled that her little girl can play a special role on my big day. It may be a little confusing to have a Madeleine and a Madeline in the wedding (my niece is a junior bridesmaid), but since I can come up with any number of names for my Madeline, all will be well. And now my FML need no longer fret that my bridal party is noticeably incomplete. Yay!!!

2. I DID purchase the Viking ship stamp and it is here and awesome. One of the great things about being at an all women's college is the fact that there are so many crafters here, including my Senior Honors advisee, Babineau. She and I have discussed it and we think that next semester, when we get together twice a week to watch ABC's "Once Upon a Time" and NBC's "Grimm" (she's doing a folk/fairy tale thesis), we will make things for the wedding. NICE. And we're thinking of getting plain glass votive candle holders and decoupaging the exteriors with tissue paper that matches the wedding colors and incorporating the stamp on them. Again, what say you? I'm thinking subtle, but cool and unique. If you're thinking "tacky," "lame," or anything similar, please DO let me know. Honestly. What we're envisioning for the "centerpieces" (since they're easily dismantled, it's hard to call them that) is a hurricane candle in the center of the table with 10 cobalt blue 375 mL bottles of meads and wines (favors) surrounding that and four of the aforementioned votive holders outside the ring of booze, one facing each side of the square tables. And maybe some glittering confetti tossed about. Hmmm...

3. God, I wish there was a cheap way to take care of invitations and programs. If y'all have any ideas, let me know.

4. For flowers, to save money, I think we're going to be ordering from a wholesaler for the boutineers, y'all's bouquets, the remembrance flowers for deceased loved ones, and the flowers for the cake. Right now I'm leaning towards orange lilies, but time will tell... and the bridesmaids' dresses, once decided upon officially, will also determine how this plays out. Amy "Big Baby" Teitelman has volunteered to help with putting the bouquets and boutineers together; any of the rest of you are more than welcome to help. And yes, I totally referenced her by her Juggalo name. This way, the only things I'm having to pay through the nose for in the floral department will be my bouquet, the corsages for the mothers and my sisters (don't ask), and the arrangements for the church.

5. Instead of a guest book, I'm thinking about doing something like this:


This one in particular is from Etsy, but I'm thinking perhaps Josh could throw one together for us quickly... all he has to do is the background, the lettering, and (obviously) the tree... and birds. Then you get ink pads and have each guest put their finger print on as a leaf and sign their name beside it. I think it's pretty awesome. And affordable. And a permanent decoration for the house, too.

6. When any of my IGP ladies call me on my cell phone now, the ringtone that will play is the chorus of Insane Clown Posse's "Juggalo Homies":



7. Finally, I will be in Cincinnati from Friday, November 18th to Sunday the 27th. I know that Ressler will be around that week... who else would be around and available to go shopping for the bridesmaids' dresses with me? Amy? Katie? I believe Erika's trying to work something out, but I understand that finances are an issue. And, for those who will be around, please let me know when you might be available so we can coordinate as best as possible. Also, if you guys want to converse about what you're thinking, please feel free to do so... this is NOT a decision I see as solely mine; not at all.

Okay, that's enough for now, I think. If I think of more, I'll write again soon. Keep ideas and thoughts coming... they are much appreciated.

Love ya, homies.

IDEA!!

Something I need feedback on and, if I get a group seal of approval, I have $11.00 to invest quick-like.

So, thinking about the place cards that get set out on a table at the reception location to inform people of their table numbers. In a fit of crazy, I thought it would be cool to--in keeping with the tasteful, vaguely medieval theme to this wedding--have little Viking ships on a blue tablecloth, the names for each person written on the sails. Admittedly, yes, kinda cool and kinda dorky. Also? Next to impossible to do without going quietly insane.

Then today I had a thought. What if I could find a rubber stamp of a Viking ship? Then each place card could be done on whatever paper and whatever color and significantly cheaper and easier, but still maintain a vaguely medieval (yet perhaps more tasteful) feel. And I found precisely one, on Etsy:


What say you?

Back to the Future

Okay, y'all. Time to get this Posse in gear. I had the long summer hiatus, followed by a month of getting school shit back together; now I really do need to start thinking about this wedding thing.

Though I know some of you know about the family drama I went through over the summer, for those who don't, I will summarize it as briefly as possible. There was some sisterly bitterness about not being included as bridesmaids... of course, this bitterness was the result of a misunderstanding and some rude assumptions (namely, that they weren't going to have roles in the wedding at all... NOT. They're doing readings; we just haven't gotten to the point of planning the ceremony yet, so I couldn't ask them... but naturally, they're impatient and jumped to the conclusion that their sister was a raging bitch... you know me...) Ultimately, they realized that they would look a little ridiculous standing amongst a bridal party of people who were ALL at least 15 years younger than they were, but not before spending the entire summer ignoring me and acting thoroughly uninterested and unimpressed by any wedding plans I had the nerve to share.

In other words, those great, excited conversations girls expect to have about their weddings? I didn't have any of those. I could sit down and cry, if I really thought long and hard about it, but it's not worth it and I have work to do.

YOU guys, then, need to make me excited about all this again... I'm sorry that it falls to you, but so it does.

There's so much to cover, but I'll just begin with the stuff that most immediately affects you all... namely, travel plans.

The wedding is going to be July 7th. That means you all have to at least be in Columbus by July 6th for the Rehearsal. But on top of that, if I'm going to have a Bachelorette party, quite frankly, YOU'RE my closest friends and YOU'RE the ones I'd most like to have there... which means the Bachelorette party probably needs to be (a reasonably sober affair) on the 4th (horribly patriotic) or 5th. I realize most of you will be having to take off work and make special travel arrangements to come into town. I know that planning to be in Columbus for three or four days really just may not be feasible and I am completely accepting of that. Let me just say that, though I have no way of knowing what my living arrangements are going to be at that time, I have every intention of finding a way to put y'all up someplace (maybe even in my own house, if I'm lucky enough to have one by then) for free, at least up until the actual wedding night. I don't want to cost you any more money than absolutely necessary.

So, in brief, ideally you will all be in Columbus by July 4th or 5th, but most certainly by the 6th.

Though we are WELL ahead of schedule for the next little convo, I will also say that, considering our budget, I'll be getting y'all gifts but I won't be able to afford to pay for y'all to get nails/hair/make up done also. I'll be doing my own make up because, well, don't nobody touch this face but me! But I'll be having my nails done the morning of the 6th and my hair done the morning of the 7th (obviously). These things are going to be done in West Jeff, which is the small town I am destined to be living in, and will be done in the salon the Peters family has been going to for years and years and years. So, if any of you would like to have nails or hair done with me, as a lovely group bonding thing (and I think alcohol should be involved in both), I can make those appointments for all interested. But if that's money you don't want to put out, it truly, truly doesn't bother me in the least... you guys can walk down the aisle with greasy, matted hair and ripped out toenails for all I care... I just want you there.

Though if you're going to rip your toenails out, cover that shit up.

Okay... I'm going to leave it at that for now, so this post doesn't get any more unwieldy. The conversations can officially begin and wander all over the place from here on out.

And one last thing: Jenny does not particularly care to have the entire burden of the MOH speech placed upon her shoulders, which I can totally appreciate (as one who would be equally mortified to do such a thing). As far as I'm concerned, it can be a group effort in some way, but I leave it entirely up to y'all to figure that bit out... it's none of my business. Just remember that my mother will be there.

A group interpretive dance might be nice. I'm just sayin'.

Oh, and be looking at images of bridesmaids dresses when you have free time to do so. I'd rather have you guys find things you like, if at all possible, than act as your general and mandate a uniform. Send me any images of dresses you like... ones you're serious about, though... not the random crap Erika's always sending me. Though I love her. And, admittedly, random crap makes me laugh wicked hard.

Okay, my love to you all. Let's plan this fuckin' weddin'.

Three Down, Two to Go...

And we have another Insane Gown Posse member! Welcome to Katie! All my PSSWR veterans are now officially on board and I am thrilled beyond all rational comprehension. Is my wedding going to be an awesome party, or what? I'm likely to see the other two ladies within the next week and a half, so I'm hoping we'll all soon be putzing around this blog together.

I feel like we should have scary clown names... I mean, "Violent J" and "Shaggy 2 Dope" do...

Oh, hey! There you go, Jenny... Violent J!

My One Regret...

... is that none of you will be able to go see this with me.



You have no idea how much I want to see this movie and how sad it is to me that I won't be able to see it with any of you. Well, I can check Amy's availability. Ought to ask her to be a bridesmaid first...